Australia vs England - 1st Ashes Test: TikTok Test Cricket

I recently wrote a piece on the theatrical nature of Test cricket -- a five-day journey of emotion and drama. What we’ve just witnessed at the first Ashes Test completely disregarded that. It microwaved the five-day drama into two days,  creating a tiktok test match and I’m not sure anyone really knows what to make of it. 

Was it good? It was entertaining, certainly. But was it good?

ACT I: The False Dawn

The sense of anticipation built until it reached its pinnacle: Mitchell Starc at the top of his mark, ready to deliver the first ball. Both sets of fans held their breath. Both sets of fans recalled Rory Burns facing the first ball of the previous series.

Starc steams in and… nothing happens. A dot ball. But Starc is the king of the first-over wicket. He delivers again, Zak Crawley drives on the up on the last ball of the over, nicks it to Khawaja, and he takes it. The Aussies strike first. England are 1-0 (or 0-1, depending on how you freak).

On the back of the news that Pat Cummins and Josh Hazlewood were out of the Test—and the latter maybe even out of the series—Australia's bowling attack didn't feel half as threatening. So, of course, Starc stepped up, taking career-best figures of 7-58 and toppling England for just 172.

Career best figures for Mitchell Starc

England fans woke up dismayed. The ones who stayed up were probably more frustrated with the nature of the dismissals. At this point, the game looked firmly in Australia's control.

That lasted no time whatsoever. The Australian openers came out to bat, and noticeably, Usman Khawaja wasn't among them. Due to back spasms and the rapid nature of England's collapse, he had spent too long off the field and was ineligible to bat.

This left Jake Weatherald, on debut, to face Jofra Archer missile-in-hand. His first outing in Test cricket lasted all of two balls, leaving him in a heap on the ground. There was a review, so the dismissal was replayed multiple times for everyone to see, again and again. Khawaja still couldn't bat because enough time hadn't passed, so Steve Smith and Marnus Labuschagne practically opened the batting. All the talk of the summer was about Australia’s openers, and they ended up with everyone getting a go.

Archer was steaming in, bowling rockets, accompanied by an English seam attack that was fast, hungry, and united. They shifted the game completely back in England's favour. None of the Aussie players looked particularly convincing, and after a morning session of dread and disappointment, England regained control and the Aussies found themselves 9-123.

In just one day of cricket, we witnessed momentum shift one way and be clawed back majorly. The England bowling exposed real technical flaws and a soft Aussie batting line-up. There was genuine concern about how the Aussies would play this bowling attack. It was fast, it was constant, and it was uncomfortable.

The West Australian newspaper turned on the team, with "Uzzy’s back" the target of Australia's ire, particularly when news dropped that he played 18 holes of golf - the day before an Ashes game.. It was a high-speed car crash on Day 1—just like England planned it.

ACT II: The Kamikaze Collapse

Heading into Day 2, England knocked off the final wicket quickly to secure a first-innings lead of 40. The second innings began with England firmly ahead. Starc, ball in hand to Crawley and rinse, repeat. Crawley lofts one back, Starc takes a fantastic catch. Crawley has a Pair; Starc has another first-over wicket.

Surely England isn't going to throw this away? The rest of the morning goes England's way. The lead grows nicely to 99 to mark Lunch, and the familiar grind of Test cricket seems to have begun. The chaos has calmed. England is surely going big from here.

Of course, the current England M.O. does not allow for things to go smoothly. After Lunch, Scott Boland gets the wicket of Ben Duckett and within the blink of an eye, England kamikazed their chances of victory, the Barmy Army watched, baffled. England fans at home, who went to sleep expecting to wake up to a big lead, woke up absolutely staggered. Within 5-8 balls, Ollie Pope gets out then Harry Brook falls two balls later. Root will calm it down, surely... except he’s out chopping it onto his stumps, all of them driving on the up. The wickets kept coming. Stokes inevitably fell to Starc for the 11th time in Test cricket.

ACT III: The Trav-ball Takeover

Gus Atkinson and Brydon Carse provided some fireworks, a rapid 50-run partnership that helped get the lead up to 200. Now Australia had three-and-a-bit days to make 205. A little twist in the tale as the tail wagged, meaning Australia needed to make the highest total of the game to win.

The pitch looked lively. Remembering England's bowling from yesterday, surely they had a chance of defending this total? Further disruption hit the Australian batting line-up as Khawaja walked gingerly off the pitch holding his back - looking every part of 38 years old after playing 18 holes of golf the day before a Test match.

No one expected what came next. Travis Head walked out to open the batting with Weatherald. The first three overs looked tense—barely a run scored, a few plays and misses. If Head nicks off, the rage of a nation might be the straw that breaks Uzzy’s back.

But as everyone knew, the pitch would get better for batting, and you want to be there when it does. Travis Head started going bananas. He hit some of the most aggressive shots seen in an Ashes chase, finding the boundary with ease. 

Marnus came out in his preferred position and played excellent support to Head, who was slapping the ball to all parts of the ground. Akin to the 2023 World Cup final where Travis Head silenced a nation, he went on to do it again.

We witnessed England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Again. This is arguably another feature of Bazball aside from the free-flowing cricket: the ability to throw away a game from a position of certain control.

Travis Head scored more crucial runs

What comes next? Khawaja may have just played his last Test. England aren’t going to change anything because they don’t think they're wrong—they think we are. We get two weeks to take in the two days of cricket we witnessed until the Pink Ball Test at the Gabba.

So, was it good? It had everything people wanted in a Test match - but it happened so fast, I don't think anyone has had the opportunity to take it in. At least the English fans get to sleep in until the next one.